All the mistakes I find in my old stories, and how it's taught me to be a better writer.

The best way to discover your progress as a writer, is to go back and edit old stories. I have been forced to confront my own tense switches, and horrible grammar from years past as I edit my stories for The Jarlena Collective. Sometimes I'm astounded with my wild ideas for the storylines we know and love, and occasionally I'll reread a sentence, and marvel at my own brilliance.

More often, I'm left thinking: How the f*ck did I ever think that sentence made sense? Or I realize I switched between past and present tenses so often that I'm confused and feeling dizzy. I can only imagine how my readers felt. Interestingly enough, not many were willing to point it out.

And while, I may offend people when I say this, I think fan fiction is 98% trash. That's not me trying to be a b*tch, and I apologize if it comes off that way, but here's why I say that...

98% of fan fiction is:

poorly written

has no plot, and

lacks character development.

Grammar? Forget it.

Sentence structure? Nah.

Spelling? Who cares?

But then... there are those gems.

Those 2% that shine so bright that you find them in the chaos of the internet, and reread them over and over again. The authors that spend time making sure you fall in love with a character. The stories that understand the importance of a comma, a period, an exclamation point. They understand adjectives, verbs, nouns, and yes, they understand building emotion.

Those are the ones I go back to over and over again. While I have several, there are three Jarlena stories that I go to frequently. The stories I reread when I'm too exhausted for anything else, or too sick to move. They live rent free in my head. I find them, and I start reading again, because nothing makes an AuDHD girlie happier than knowing, and anticipating what's going to happen. It's like coming home to an old friend.

On WattPad I find myself rereading stories like Walk Me Home, and Avenoir by RachieQ. Walk Me Home is the perfect mix of what if?, taboo attraction, and what happens when drunkenness leads to two people finally admitting what they really feel.

Avenoir wraps up a storyline we were all pretty much done with by the time Kristen had her fake baby. It's a story that explores what might have happened if, after that sexy hospital kiss, instead of allowing Marlena to walk away, John went after her, and demanded answers.

I'm an angst girlie who shies away from the dark stuff, but well written sexual tension? Sign me up!

A few years ago, I read a story called Thanks For All Your Help. It was on the Jarlena Journal. It was incomplete, but something about it left me with what I refer to "as all the feels". Maybe it was the sexual tension written so well it was almost disguised as platonic, or perhaps it was the domesticity of it all. I was intrigued by the potential for what if?

I was desperate to know more, and I'll be honest... I NEEDED to know how it ended. Tracking down the author was harder. I randomly posted on Facebook about it, because I needed to know what happened in a story that had captured my heart. A full year later I got a response. At that point, I'd forgotten I'd even posted about the story. Initially, I was confused. Then I was elated!

Did I manage to pull Kris back in, and beg for new stories in the process? Yes! Yes, I did, and I can tell you Thanks For All Your Help is longer, and although it is still ongoing (she's not finished it yet), I am so happy about it.

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** My honorable mentions are some Liason stories I sometimes go back to. I've mentioned before my love of Jason and Elizabeth on General Hospital, and there is a fan fiction writer for them that has all of their stories on one website. When I'm in a Liason mood, I will go back there, and find my favorites. (https://www.crimsonglass.org/)

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When I started writing five years ago, I'd never written anything before. I often found the mere idea of the task daunting and overwhelming. I'd spent most of my life reimagining books, soap opera scenes, and a myriad of other television shows in my head. It wasn't until I found myself alone, when my daughter went to college, and I was faced with an empty house, a few cats, and a dog, that I actually had the time to start writing.

I can't even remember which story was my first. I know Caged Valkyrie, A Million Memories, A Second Chance, and Dear John were very early in my writing. The more I wrote, the longer my stories became. I started adding more detail, and more character development. Then, I started to deviate more from canon.

My earliest stories generally included a lot of original dialogue from Days of Our Lives. They followed canon closely until they slowly changed a few chapters in.

But I feel like I really started to grow and thrive as a writer when I fully embraced alternate universe, and threw myself into canon divergence. Gertie, Breathe, Chrysalis, and Blurred Lines are all examples of me allowing myself to spread my wings, and see what I could create.

Honestly though, I think I'm most proud of Kismet, because the amount of work I put into it - from the backstory, to the playlist of music, and simply the build-up to the finale - was all a true labor of love.

But, I've digressed. That's pretty typical for me. So, looping back to my original topic I'd like to say. Finding myself embarrassed at my old stories is growth. I don't get offended if a reader (nicely) points out a spelling error, a grammatical mistake, or a storyline/continuity mistake. I fix them. I thank them for noticing. I mean, it's fan fiction. My only editor is me.

Shalom, and Mahalo for reading.

Ms. Goldie